Daily Devotional - 8/22/10 (9/22/09)

This is the post from the day after my husband's surgery last year.  I have left it as it was.  He is now doing better and appears to be cancer free.


Focus Letter - V



Pray for:
Five things that you are grateful for beginning with the focus letter
Five people whose first or last name begins with the focus letter
A place that begins with the focus letter
A characteristic to grow in that begins with the focus letter


Dear Lord - Help me to hear your voice today, all day, and grant me the strength to obey.



My husband made it through surgery and is recovering. They removed the lower right lobe of his liver which had confirmed cancer and, unfortunately, also found another tumor on the left side. This was destroyed by laser. There are still two small unknown masses in the upper right lobe as well. As a result of this, more chemotherapy is recommended. We were sad about the news but are faithful yet. Thank you for all your prayers and support.



Psalms 22



As I sat at my computer, after a long day at the hospital and after receiving the bad news about the spread of the cancer, I felt a bit numb. On opening the Bible to review the psalm for this post, I had to smile. How fitting for this to be the psalm today. The opening words spoke to me.



"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer, by night, and am not silent." (vs. 1-2)


How I have felt this the past year. At every turn, we have received bad news. My husband was diagnosed with cancer in February but we were confident that it would be contained in the colon. After all, he was only 49. My mother had had colon cancer at 61 and hers had been contained; it had not spread although it was about the same size of a tumor. We went into surgery confident. The surgeon told us after the surgery that it did appear to be contained within the colon, but of course, he could not know for sure until the lab work. How shocked we were to receive the call about a week later to find out that it was not contained and that it was in the lymph nodes.


"My God, my God..." I thought.


"Well, at least it was only in two of the 30 lymph nodes they looked at," I said to my mother-in-law who was devastated by the news. Surely it hadn't spread very far. There was that spot on his liver that the doctors had noted before his original surgery. But they had not been worried about it. The doctor had felt that it was probably not cancer. I was confident my husband would do his chemotherapy and be fine.


He went in for a liver test to confirm that the spot was just a benign occurrence, a hemangioma, and we waited, not worried. The results came back. A biopsy was needed. The tumor was not a hemangioma. I remember receiving the call. It was a beautiful day and I was playing Candyland with my daughters. The sun streamed in from the window, creating a peaceful, happy glow in the room. We were laughing.


My husband was out running an errand when the phone call came in. "Mrs. Jacobs, the tumor is cancerous," the doctor said over the phone.


Everything stopped and again in my mind, "my God, my God..."


Six rounds of chemo; so difficult. The embolism to block off the cancerous part of his liver. The surgery prep, all in the hopes that this would soon will be over; that life would soon return to normal. Then yesterday, the surgery, to remove the right lobe of his liver; so that he would be cancer free. At pre-op, the doctor mentioned that if they find something in the left lobe, they would burn it with a laser. I paused.


"But there isn't supposed to be anything in the left lobe," I said.


"Well sometimes it is hidden from the MRI. We are going to check everything out. We will take good care of him."


"Okay," I said, thinking with less confidence now that there would be nothing in the left liver. This warning of his was all precautionary. The surgery was going to be the end of this. Six weeks recovery and then life would go on. It would be this way. I had decided.


At 12 noon, the doctor came out and I approached, eager to hear the good news. "We removed the right lobe, but there was a half an inch tumor deep in the left lobe as well."


"What?"


"The left lobe, a tumor. We destroyed it with the laser but there are still small unknown spots visible on the ultrasound as well. They are too small to know what they are. We recommend more chemotherapy."


"More?" I said sadly.


"Yes, more. Cancer is like a dandelion which spreads its seeds when blown. We don't know, can't know now. Everything else in the abdomen looks clear but the chemo - it is necessary." The doctor smiled at me in a serious, sad way. My heart sank. The chemo... the walking death. It is difficult to explain life during chemo. Lets just say, it is hard.


"My God, my God..." again I begin to think. Why? Why, at every turn, has the road to quick recovery been blocked? What is it we must learn, my husband and I?



And then I read on in Psalms 22, the psalm that goes on to prophecy Jesus' suffering on the cross.



"Yet You are enthroned as the Holy One; You are the praise of Israel. In You our fathers put their trust; they trusted and You delivered them. They cried to You and were saved; in You they trusted and were not disappointed" (vs. 4-5)



It is painful. This is painful. It is not what I wanted. But it is what God has given me. He has given me this, and He has given me Himself to fall back on. I am not alone. I am a part of His plan. This morning, in the calm of the cool, early morning air blowing in through the window, I remember God. I remember to give thanks. I am thankful my husband is still alive. I am thankful that they removed or killed all known cancer in his body. I am thankful he is as alert and well as he is after surgery. I am thankful for the 12 years and the three daughters that I have had with him. I am thankful for all the ways we have grown to be better people through all of this. I am thankful for all the ways that we will grow before this is over.


God has given me the assurance that He will be with me through these difficult times. He will never leave me or forsake me (Joshua 31:6). He has given me a Bible full of good promises, all of which have been given to me so that I will have peace. As He says, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. (John 16:33)"


He will deliver me. He will not disappoint me in the end. In the short term, I may have sorrow. I do have sorrow. But God is not in this for the short term. He is the God of eternity. In the light of eternity, I am not let down. Things may not happen as I have planned. It hasn't happened as I had planned, but I have been delivered so far. My husband has also been delivered so far. He is still here. We are still living in faith, and we are better people for all of this.


God is still with me, just as He was with Jesus as He went to the cross; surely not what Jesus had wanted but it was what needed to happen. Jesus suffered immensely, more than any of us ever will, and yet He returned to God and His sovereignty. I must remember His words at Gethsemane, " Not my will, but Yours be done." At times, we may be momentarily disappointed, but in the long run we are never. In the long term, the victory is always ours. In Christ we have the victory. God did not forget Jesus. He did not disappoint Him. There were three dark days and then Jesus arose and brought salvation to all of us. In the same way, God will not forget me either.



"You who fear the Lord, praise Him!...For He has not despised or disdained the suffering of the afflicted one; He has not hidden His face from him but has listened to his cry for help." (vs. 23-24)


There is a reason for all of this. I am not forgotten and I will praise Him yet.




Prayer for the Day


Dear Lord,

We praise You for the life You give us.  It is Yours to give and take away.  We pray for acceptance and courage in the face of whatever is on the path You have set out for us.  Help us to live lives that are acceptable to You no matter what happens.

In Jesus' Name,
Amen



QFT


1. When have I felt forsaken? Why? How did I deal with it?

2. What has God given me to deal with presently in my life? How am I dealing with it? Am I turning to God, or away from Him because of it?

3. When life does not go as I have planned, how do I react? How can I react in a more trusting manner?
4. What reasons can I see behind some of the greatest crises that have occurred in my life?

5.  What support systems do I have to help me in difficult times? What helps me to feel peace in my struggles?  What verses do I turn to?